Hiding the Scissors

One of the core elements of The Insomniac's Guide to Productivity is Awareness.

Not the Instagrammable kind. Nor the serene, lotus-position kind.

I mean the gritty, inconvenient, how-did-I-do-that-to-myself kind.

There is a form of self-awareness that functions like a diagnostic tool. It doesn’t flatter us. It doesn’t inspire us. It simply reveals where we are quietly, unconsciously working against ourselves.

And if we’re willing to look at it, it can change everything.

The Curious Case of the Missing Scissors

The other day I needed scissors to open a package. A simple task. I searched everywhere. Finally, I found them — beneath the very package I was trying to open.

How does that happen?

Either I momentarily lost 75 IQ points or...I did it on purpose.

The first explanation is the comfort of a joke. The second is unsettling. Because if I did it “on purpose,” I did it without conscious intention — but not without agency. Somewhere between awareness and non-awareness, an action occurred that worked directly against my own goal.

Going Retrograde

What is a potential word for this tendency?

“Self-sabotage” is a well-known idea, but a touch dramatic.

“Carelessness” is too mild.

“Forgetfulness” is too dismissive.

I’m pointing toward something more subtle: a self-retrograde movement — an action that works against my own best interest, not because I’m incapable, but because some part is misaligned.

I hide the scissors from myself.

I put the phone on silent and then complain that I missed the call.

I stay up late scrolling and then lament my exhaustion.

The action feels almost fated — as if someone with inside knowledge of my goals is rearranging the furniture of just enough to trip me up. And there is such a someone: me. (The insomniac.)

The Subliminal Swamp

Psychologists have long observed that people can register events without consciously recalling them. A witness to a crime might “see” something without being able to access it directly. The information is there — but buried in a swamp of random access.

Similarly, our own counterproductive behaviors often originate from information we haven’t excavated:

• Avoidance of discomfort
• Fear of finishing
• Fear of beginning
• A quiet resistance to change
• A learned pattern of tension

The mind acts. The conscious self arrives later and says, “How did this happen?” You put the package on top of the scissors.

Insomnia and the Self-Defeating Loop

For those of us prone to insomnia (and productivity anxiety), this pattern becomes especially visible.

• We say we want rest. (But gotta check just one more email.)
• We say we want focus. (But we look up one fact and end up with seventeen new browser tabs.)
• We say we want clarity. (But refuse to accept a reasonable answer.)

These are tacit micro-choices. Micro-choices that accumulate and further burden (un)awareness.

Awareness Is The Magnifying Glass

Try this shift:

Instead of condemning yourself when you discover the scissors under the package, treat the moment as data. The discovery isn’t proof of inadequacy. It’s evidence of a split in attention. That split is your clue.

The goal isn’t to eliminate every self-retrograde move. The goal is simply to shorten the time between action and recognition. If you notice it five minutes later instead of five days later, that’s progress. And if you come to recognize it while it’s in progress…that’s mastery.

The Productive Reframe

The Insomniac’s Hexagon begins with Awareness for a reason.

Without awareness:

• Structure becomes rigidity.
• Prioritization becomes diffuse (or worse, fantasy).
• Habitat becomes clutter.

But with awareness, even self-defeating patterns can become tools. That moment you catch yourself placing the package on top of the scissors, you are no longer unconscious. You are observing. And observation introduces the potential of choice.

A Small Exercise

Take a moment and think of an example where you worked against yourself.

Don’t judge it. Don’t dramatize it. Just ask:

• What was I avoiding?
• What was I protecting?
• What discomfort did I sidestep?

To see the pattern is to loosen its grip. It may be smaller than you imagined and awareness was sufficient to see it dissolve. But even when it remains, the balance has shifted — you are directing the movement now, not being carried by it.

To Your Best Days

Productivity is not about optimizing every minute. But let’s allow for reducing unnecessary self-suffering. We all hide the scissors from ourselves from time to time. The work is not to become flawless. The work is to become aware. And from awareness — gently, steadily — to act in your own favor.